Little Birds and Dog Tags
by raynietheelf
Summary: Told through letters, Sandor is off fighting in Vietnam, while Sansa tries to cope (Modern!Vietnam, because I don't like to do research.)
1. Chapter 1

Sansa,

I told you I would write as soon as I can, so here it is. Our first letter. How are you? How's your family? To be honest, I don't know what to say. I never was a good letter writer. I just hope you're not expecting too much out of me. I'm not that Nicholas Sparks guy you love so much, but I'm not sorry for that. He's girlier than Loras. I don't even know what he'd say in this situation? _Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?_ Whatever.

I can't tell you where I am or where I'm going, so that'll probably freak you out a lot but it's so that I can't pass along military information. Or if the enemy got a hold of my letters, they could learn our location and come kill us, which would be rather unfortunate, don't you think?

It makes me laugh a little inside when I try to imagine your reaction to this. Don't pretend at first that you didn't think this was romantic and straight out of the movies. I hate to break it to you, little bird, but it's not, because instead of Channing Tatum coming home to you, you have scarred, mean, old Sandor.

The other guys didn't believe that you existed until I showed them the picture of you. They still don't really believe that you're mine, but that's okay. I barely believe it. All those years of following Joffrey around paid off, huh? Sure they sucked, but I ended up with you, so that worked out well. Fuck, I'm not making sense. We've been marching for 16 hours now and I'm just a little sleepy and I have a slight craving for something stronger than water, but that's not happening. We have to stay in tip top shape. The jungle is probably more dangerous than the enemy.

Just tell everyone at home (all the ones that care anyway) that I'm fine for now. It's not like I'll come home any uglier than I am now. Well, with my luck, I probably will. Hey! Then I'll get to come home early. Just kidding. I know you worry about me but I'll be fine. Worry about yourself, little bird.

-Sandor

_Dear Sandor,_

_I'm so happy that you're alright. I know I worry a lot but hey, who wouldn't? Mother says when Father marched to war, she was sick every day with worry, but then again she was pregnant with Robb at the time, so what does she know? _

_The house is so quiet without you stomping around and our grocery list is so little it's unbelievable. When you left, Lady sat by the door and cried for hours. She still gets excited when someone comes to the door and the minute she realizes it's not you, she goes and lays on her bed and cries more. It's painful to watch. Not going to lie, I've shed a couple tears, but I'm trying to stay strong. _

_People in the neighborhood keep coming by and bringing me food or something, like the fact that you're gone keeps me from cooking for myself of something. It makes me so mad, especially since it's the same neighbors who like to give you dirty looks. Mrs. Manderly is the worst. According to Jeyne, she's telling everyone that I'm going to cheat on you. As if! I wish you were here. You'd know what to say. I can't just tell them to go away the same way you can. I'm counting down the days until you're back, Sandor. (157 more days!) _

_Everyone here is doing great. Bran's got a girlfriend and she came over for a family dinner. She's really nice and I like her a lot, but you know how Arya is. Arya bullied that poor girl mercilessly during dinner and by the time she left, I don't know how Meera (that's his girlfriend) didn't end up crying. She's made up of some seriously tough stuff. _

_I'm running out of stuff to say, so I'm going to cut it short before you decide you want a girl that doesn't ramble. I'll be praying for your safe return. I read a book and apparently girls used to give 'favors' to knights for good luck, so here's the hair ribbon that I wore to Robb's wedding. I love you. Stay safe._

_Love,_

_Sansa_

Little bird,

Your letter came at such a good time. We just had our first actual battle the other day. Sansa, I killed someone. He was about Bran's age, and that's all I could think about as I watched him die. He had dreams and a life and a family and I took it all away from him. It's fucked up how much power one person has over shit like that. I just ended that kid's life and I knew nothing about him.

At the same time, two of our men died. Some kid named Tommy or something like that and a guy closer to my age named Stan. Stan was a good guy. We used to drink by the fire together. I had an extra drink for him when we sent the body back.

This place is unreal. You don't know if today is your last day, if you're even going to make it out of this war, if you're going to go home and see your loved ones. When I first heard the shots being fired, all I could think about was what you would do if I died. You're a pretty girl, Sansa, and smart and young. If something happens, just forget about me and find some handsome guy who is just as polite as you and who your parents will actually like. Promise me that you won't sit around and mope over an old dog like me. You and Lady move on and find someone who actually deserves you.

About the neighbors, just tell them to fuck off. I don't see why you pretend to like them. It only means that they'll come over more. And tell Mrs. Manderly when I get back, I'll come back a war veteran. That's not the kind of man you want to mess with. Do it while you're doing something potentially threatening, like trimming the bushes or cutting up meat. That'll send the message. God, I hate that woman.

Give Lady, and Mrs. Manderly, my love. And tell Arya to leave the girl alone. They can't all be tough like me. And tell Bran good luck with her. And I tied your ribbon around my knife, all around the handle. Because even though that might be the stupidest thing I've ever heard, maybe it'll give me luck and I'll come home. One of our men got so badly hurt he got to go home. Tell your Mom that at least, this way, I'm helping pay bills and stuff. And fighting for freedom or whatever. Fuck, there's so much I just want to say but they're calling lights out. I'll get this letter mailed out tomorrow first thing. I love you.

-Sandor

_Dearest Sandor,_

_I'm so sorry that you have to be over there. I can't even begin to imagine what it's like. Mother sent me a magazine article about the jungle over there and it sounds horrendous, all full of spiders and snakes. Remember to check your boots every day before putting them on and your sleeping bag at night and don't stick your hands into any crevasses that you can't see into. I'd hate for you to come back missing fingers. Or to not come back at all. _

_I hate that we even have to think about that possibility. I have nightmares about doing dishes and seeing that black car pull up and some finely dressed military man walking up to the door and knocking and I know it's nothing compared to what you have to face, but it's Hell here, Sandor. That boy you killed? I'm sorry, but I'd rather it be him than you. (Look at me, telling harsh truths. Just like you.) The worst part of being on this end of things is the pity that I get. Jeyne thinks it's fun that we get free stuff from people who feel bad, but she has no idea what it's like. She doesn't have anyone over there. _

_Arya misses you. She comes over every couple days and messes with the cable box and rearranges the movies because she knows you hate it, but you're not here to yell at her and I can tell that makes her sad, not that she'll ever admit to it. Bran and Meera went out on an official date at a restaurant and everything. It's so weird to think that he's all grown up now. Mom is happy. She thought that because his wheelchair, Bran would have a hard time getting a girl, but Meera doesn't seem to care about the wheelchair. She laughs at all his jokes and he seems happy. _

_More good news. Yggritte is pregnant! She called me last Thursday to tell me, but Mom and Dad don't know yet. (Not that Mom will care much. You know how she feels about Jon.) I just hate that when she told me, she had to do the thing where they ask when you're going to have a kid. That's hard to do, with my boyfriend off fighting for our country in VIETNAM ( for another 142 days.) I can't wait for you to come back. Sandor, I love you. Stay safe. _

_Love,_

_Sansa_

Sansa,

I got my first injury yesterday! Isn't that exciting? (If you didn't hear that sarcasm, you must be completely retarded.) A bullet grazed my shoulder muscle and it's going to leave a wicked scar, but it'll be alright. Nothing a little Neosporin and a band-aid won't fix, but it smarts like a bitch every time it gets wet. Which is often, since it rains about, oh, once every ten minutes. I'm wet all the time now and I can't even remember what it was like to be dry.

Everyday we do the same thing. Get up early and march all day long and then set up camp, determine who gets what watch, and go to bed and start all over the next day. It's so monotonous, but in a way, it's just a more exciting spin on what we do back home. Get up, go to work, come home, go to bed. Rinse and repeat. From time to time, we do get attacked, but since last time, none of our men have died. Lots of theirs have though.

We got a new kid to replace Tommy. His name is Gendry and he annoys me. Apparently, I'm some sort of brother figure to him so he tails me around like a puppy dog, begging for attention, but if you call him out on it, he's stubborn and stoic. Lady is better trained than he is. He was in the foster care system at home and signed up for the draft the minute he became of age. No one writes him, so you should have Arya and her friends do it. He'd like that, I think. Then, maybe, he'll stop trying to read your letters. He's sitting about ten feet away from me as I write this, practicing loading his rifle.

I'm so glad you sent that picture of you and Lady because the one I had was in my breast pocket and I bled all over it so you can't see anything, but now that it's been replaced, I can throw it away. All the guys here carry something that reminds them of home. I've got my ribbon and my picture of both my favorite girls. Gendry carries this bull charm that he got from a teacher that actually cared about him. Connor carries around a beaded necklace from his tribe and on it is a charm his wife made for luck. There's more, but I don't want to pry too much.

Sansa, I know it sounds like a long time, but six months isn't that long at all. Stay strong, okay? And tell Arya that if she keeps fucking with my stuff, I'm not letting her borrow any of my movies or record her shows on my DVR again. And tell Jon and Yggritte congrats on the procreation. A screaming infant is just what Yggritte needs to alleviate stress from being married to a cop.

-Sandor

_Dearest Sandor,_

_I know you said you're alright, but are you sure? If that gets infected, then you're in trouble. Please take care of yourself. Sandor, I mean it. Especially since you're in a tropical environment. That's like an ideal breeding place for bacteria. And scars are okay. I don't mind them. Ha ha. _

_I told Yggritte what you said and she laughed so hard I though she was going to choke on her spit and die. She says you were always her favorite in-law because 'he says it like it is.' She tells you not to worry too much about her. She's tough. Out of everyone here, she understands my predicament the most. When Jon is doing rounds in the bad neighborhoods, she sits out by the window and waits for him to come home, but at least she gets to see him. I don't get to see you for another 129 days. _

_Mother is being surprisingly sympathetic, asking about you every time she talks to me. Probably because she went through the same thing with Dad. Our relationship is getting better, which is one positive thing that's happened to me since you left. We have lunch once a week now and just catch up and it's really nice. I forgot how much I missed talking to my Mom. _

_Dad is really distant right now, since he got a huge lawsuit that he's got to take care of. Doran Martell is suing Tywin Lannister because of fraud or something like that, so the news are probably going to be all over that one when it finally takes to court. Robb is helping him with it, since it's such a high profile case. Doran Martell is a lucky man. Dad hates having anything to do with the Lannisters, so when Doran asked for Dad to represent him, Dad jumped on that. _

_I learned how to knit, which is super weird, but expect some socks in the mail eventually, when I perfect my knits and purls. And I'll embroider them too, so that way when the men make fun of you, it'll help keep your ego down. The post office closes soon so I'm going to end the letter now, so I can get to it before it closes. I love you._

_Love,_

_Sansa_

Sansa,

You were right. I got an infection, but it got taken care of quickly, so I'm super lucky. Must be that ribbon. It disgusts me how some of the men here behave. They're worse than our enemy, sometimes. We came across a village and they were all dead. A squadron had come through before us and slaughtered everyone, including women and children. It reminded me of something my brother would have done, before he got put into the ground, and that grates on me. Everything here reminds me of every bad thing to ever happen to me.

I saw napalm for the first time right after I sent the last letter. It was so quick, just a plane flying by and then everything was burning. I could smell the dead burning and it smelled like pork and I threw up. War is ugly, little bird. I'm glad that you can't see this, because it is nothing like the movies. It's uglier and dirtier and smells worse than you could even imagine. We smell awful. I haven't had a proper shower in about three weeks, since all we've done is march from check point to check point, but by the end of the week we will have made it to one of the bigger camps and I get to enjoy a luxurious cold shower. And maybe a beer.

Gendry says to tell you thank you for that letter. You should have seen him smile when he got it, Sansa. You like that sort of stuff. I can't believe Arya sent a picture, though. I see this going downhill, but hey, let them have fun. Why not? He's going to tell stories that make him sound cooler than he actually is though. I read his letter to her, saying how he defended our camp when in reality he wet himself and Jorah shot the guy, not Gendry. But he's growing up and getting better at being a man. I think Arya's letter helped. He won't stop bragging to the other guys and I think Connor is ready to cut his throat. How tragic.

A cobra got into the camp the other day and Connor stomped on it's head before it had the chance to even hood. I swear, he's so quiet you'd never know that inside that boy, lies one of the toughest men I've ever met. Nothing frightens him. He skinned that snake and dried the skin to make into a belt or something. It smells horrid, but looks pretty badass. He's like the crocodile hunter, Sansa. He picks animals up that don't need to be picked up. He found a crocodile and is trying to domesticate it. It's name is Whiskey and it follows him around. One of these days, it's going to get big enough to eat one of us and if it's me, I'm going to haunt his ass for all of eternity.

I miss you more every day, which is saying something, since I'm not one for sentimentality. I don't even know how much longer I have, so your countdown helps me a little. I can't keep track of days anymore, so I'm depending on you, you hear? I keep all your letters and re-read them at night. God, I've become pathetic.

-Sandor

_Sandor, my love,_

_I'm not going to lie, the crocodile story makes me laugh so hard every time I think of it. Is it a little crocodile? What does it even eat? Don't normal men pick up dogs and then have those cute reunion videos that make me cry so hard? Who knows, maybe someday when everyone comes home, we'll turn on the news and see Connor and Whiskey reunited and it'll run to him and be cute. I know I'll probably cry at it, but I'm a sucker for stuff like that. Expect to come home to weepy Sansa. (111 days left! Make a wish!)_

_I have your letters in a binder and when you get back, we can scrapbook them and people can read them. How cute would that be? It can sit on our book shelf and be a sort of memento of this time we spent apart. _

_I just learned a new recipe for black berry cobbler and I can't wait to make it for you. My knitting is getting better, so enjoy the socks that I sent with you. Even though they're misshapen, they're warm. (Dad told me. He was my test run.) Arya says they're ugly, but you don't mind? Do you?_

_Bran and Meera are still together and Yggritte had her first ultrasound so we finally got to see cute little Torrhen (if it's a boy. Lyanna if it's a girl, but everyone wants a boy.) Apparently Tormund cried when Yggritte told him. I wonder if my father would cry if I was pregnant. Probably not. He is a Stark, after all._

_Arya loves getting Gendry's letters. She comes over every time and we open our letters together and read them out loud to each other. It's helping us bond as sisters. Who knows, maybe when the war ends and you guys come back, her and Gendry can have a proper date. She told me she'd love to meet him. I'd like that too, I think. Maybe he'll move to Portland so he can be near us. That would be adorable. _

_I didn't know what napalm was, so I googled it and it looks awful. Arya was standing over my shoulder while we watched youtube videos of napalm and she said it must be scary up close. I agree. It was scary on video. I can't imagine what it's like in person. I can't imagine what it's like for you. You're right. This is no movie. I worry every day and night over you. Sandor, stay safe. I can't say that enough. Stay safe. I love you. _

_Love,_

_Sansa_

Sansa,

It's irritating, being around so many men. So much testosterone and the need to show off. It's like being surrounded by dozens of Joffrey clones, and you know what that would be like. I roll my eyes every time a woman even comes by because they boys don't know how to behave. They'll hoot and cat call and I want to laugh and tell them that the women don't care how long to yell at them. They're prostitutes. Toss some money her way, and she'll be more than happy to play girlfriend for one night.

I'm glad Arya enjoys Gendry's letters because he's enjoying hers. He keeps her picture in his pocket and pulls it out and shows it to everyone that he thinks even hints at asking about a girl back home. He pretends he has a girlfriend and everyone believe him but they don't believe that I scored you, which is pretty funny since we're a thing and Gendry and Arya have never even met. Next weekend, if the letter gets there soon enough, I'll be in the city, so I'm giving you a call, no matter how much it costs. I want to hear your voice, so try not to cry.

Sansa, I know you think it would be happy times, but when we moved in together, remember the backlash? Sure it's calmed down for now, but if I got you pregnant, it would start up again. They just want me to make an honest woman out of you, but that's something that'll have to wait until I get back home.

The crocodile keeps getting bigger and bigger. He eats fish and whatever meat we can offer him, but he eats every day. Connor says that he should only eat like once a week, but that's on big portions. Whiskey eats whenever we eat, so as long as he stays full, I don't really give a shit. I don't know what Connor is going to do with it when his run is over. Maybe release it back into the wild? Somehow, I don't think that'll go over well. Whiskey seems attached, not to mention spoiled. The animal doesn't really even hunt for itself anymore.

Lucky for me, this time, I don't have anything big to tell you. We've only had some minor scuffles, no napalm, no kills on either side. No one is injured, not counting the time Gendry was showing off with his knife and cut himself. Jorah punished him for it, which wasn't really fair since he almost sawed his finger off but he's fine. We used one of your socks to stop the bleeding, but maybe next time he won't be so stupid. He's young and in love, though, so he has an excuse. I remember what that was like, and I know you do, since you're so…. Romantic? I don't even know. Don't miss me too much, because it hurts how much I miss you. I want to come home.

-Sandor

_Dear Sandor,_

_I'm sorry I failed you. The truth is, I'm not dealing as well as I though I would. I haven't done your laundry since you left and when I miss you too much, I go into your closet and wear your dirty shirt and close my eyes and pretend you're here. I sleep in your clothes and spray your cologne on your pillow, but your smell is fading. I call your cell phone and listen to your voicemail. It's ridiculous. We have about four months left, but it sounds so long, since I'm already becoming deranged. _

_Lady's started sleeping on your side of the bed. It's nice having someone there but it's not the same as having you, which makes sense since she's a dog and you are not a dog, despite what Joffrey used to say about you. Arya sleeps over from time to time, too. I think she knows how sad I am. No one else seems to notice, which suits me just fine. They've stopped giving me their pity, since they think I'm okay. If they found out, I'd never get rid of Mrs. Manderly._

_Arya likes the idea of keeping all the letters in a binder, so she bought one and has one for Gendry's letters and pictures. Thank you for the one of you and the crocodile, by the way. Mother didn't believe me until she saw it hanging on the fridge. Weren't you afraid of hand feeding him? I shudder at the thought of you loosing a hand. I know it's so obvious that you're going to roll your eyes, but that sounds so unbelievably painful._

_That phone call made me so happy. It sucked that we didn't have all the time that I would want, but that thirty minutes of talking to you was more than I have had in two months, so I'll take what I can get. I cried so hard when you hung up. Lady perked her ears up when she heard me say your name into the phone and when you were done talking to her, after you hung up, we cried on each other. This is easily the most painful thing I've ever endured and you have it so much worse than I do. Sandor, how do you cope?_

_Everyday is so tiring. I have to put on this smile and pretend that I'm not constantly on the verge of tears. I have to pretend that I don't flinch at every knock on the door, at every phone call. Even your letters make me nervous. What if it's not you, but Gendry or Connor or Jorah, writing to tell me that you're dead? I've lost 13 pounds, worrying over you, but it'll be worth it when you come home, in exactly 100 days._

_I love you. _

_Sansa_

Sansa,

We're going back to the jungle again. I can't wait. (Sarcasm.) The two weeks we spent at the base were nice and it was wonderful to be able to actually talk on the phone with you a couple times. I just want you to know that this time, I won't be able to write back as fast. Don't worry, it's just because we'll be isolated but I won't get mail, nor will I be able to send it out for at least a month.

I wish you were here to see this. Not the war, no that's ugly, but the jungle. There are all these flowers and super pretty birds that you would love. If it weren't for the fact that I never want to come back here, I'd take you after the war was over. The food is super good, even though it makes Jorah sick, but I miss all your stupid Pinterest recipes. I just miss home a lot, okay?

Don't cry, Sansa. Go and pick up some hobbies, something really time consuming, and I'll be back before you know it. Like you said, it's only like 90 more days, or something like that. I don't feel like counting. That's not that long. Just hold out a couple more months. That's what I tell myself. A couple more months. That's it. Then I never have to come back to this shit hole.

Gendry got hurt bad the other day. Snake bite. He didn't check his boots in the mornings like he was told and that adder got him good. But he'll be okay. He's staying behind while we march, so Arya can still have her letters. He'll probably make it sound all stupidly awesome, but now you know the truth. He's an idiot. He's been talking about coming back with me, since he has no one else. He wants to be a body guard with me. I told him it wasn't fun but he insists, so we'll see. When the war is over, he wants to come stay in our guest room until he finds his own place. What do you think about that?

I hate saying this, but the guys are all growing on me. Jorah and his gruffness, Connor with his animals, Gendry and his stupid bravado. Even Pyp, who likes to sing all the time. I don't like the fact that I'm starting to consider them brothers, since I didn't like my own brother. What if they get hurt and die and it's my fault? I mean, I'll do my best, but with how crazy it is out here, I don't know if my best is enough.

Surprisingly, here, no one asks about my scars. They assume that it's because I survived napalm or a grenade or something. They don't even stare and that's a nice change. There are men here uglier than me, which is hard to believe, but their scars came from battle. I suppose mine did too, in a way, but not like this.

We march in the morning, so I'm going to bed. I'll talk to you in a month. Sansa, just a couple more months, okay?

-Sandor

_Sandor, _

_I know it's only been ten days since I got your letter but I want to write to you anyway. That way when you get back to camp or whatever, you'll have lot's of letters waiting for you. _

_Jeyne is mad jealous of Arya and that Arya has someone in the war, so she asked me to ask you to find her someone as well. (Did that even make sense?) I told her it was too late and that you were too deep in the jungle to reach, so she's busy harassing Arya. I'm trying to find hobbies that take up a lot of time, but I haven't really come up with anything other than quilting. I started on a quilt that will one day hopefully sit on our marriage bed. (Hint, hint.) When you get back, I want to cut a square out of your uniform so I can sew that on there, in the corner or something. _

_When I'm not quilting or knitting or cooking, I just go to work and pretend that Cersei isn't a huge bitch. I hate being her assistant sometimes. Just because I'm your assistant doesn't mean I'm your slave. The woman had me picking up dry cleaning and finding a good babysitter. A babysitter! That's not my job! And she asked me to go wash her car, but I paid Arya to do it. Arya is going to spend that money to make Gendry a care package, which is adorable. (She wants to know if you take Whiskey on marches with you, or if you leave him at the base.)_

_Mother is getting more and more helpful everyday. She came over last week and we went through all that junk in our basement and got it organized and now I'm going to have a garage sale. Jeyne is helping me with it, which will be nice, and I'm having all the girls at work tell people about it, since I'll be getting rid of a bunch of my designer handbags. To make room for more, of course. : )_

_I can cope during the days, but the nights are the worst, because that's when I sit around, by myself and just think about you. It helps when the girls sleep over, since I can occupy my time with them, but when they fall asleep, I'm all on my own. I love you. _

_69 more days until you get back._

_Sansa_

_Sandor,_

_Here you go. Another letter! If I space them out enough, I think that this will keep me from going crazy while you're not answering back. Jeyne says I'm being clingy, but I don't think I am. This isn't like texting you over and over and over, is it? No. Didn't think so. _

_I'm sure you'll get the news when you get back to camp, but Gendry is totally going to move to Portland. How cute is that? He wrote Arya about it, saying that you offered him the guest room. Knowing you, I'm sure you mentioned it, but weren't planning on him actually staying, I decided to go ahead and let you know before you strangled him or something. Now I do have a project. I get to make the bedroom habitable!_

_We tore down that hideous wall paper and I painted the room a nice cheery mint color and got bedding to match, which was cute. Mother helped me pick out some nice furniture to match everything and we're working on putting it together, so that's definitely keeping me busy. I also planted a garden. Jon came over and helped me tear up the backyard in the corner, so I now have a little plot to plant some lettuce and stuff. I really need to get a fence put around it though. Lady loves digging it up when she thinks I'm not paying attention. _

_We made so much money at that yard sale, Sandor. It's helping pay for a lot of things, like the spare bedroom and the new dishes I got. Since everything looks super dingy, I'm also using that money to repaint the house. Father says now is a good time to do it, since you're not here to tell me what colors to paint it. I laughed and said if you didn't like it, I would come home one day and you probably would end up repainting it yourself. I hope you like it though. _

_The kitchen is going to be yellow, and I put in some dark blue tile over the stove. Yellow is cheerful and I like it and the living room is going to be just a nice neutral shade of gray. The dining room is going to be a peachy color and I'm not touching our bedroom until you come home. The bathroom though is lilac, because I bought a bathroom set to match it and it's ADORABLE. Gendry's bathroom is blue. _

_I'm sorry if my home stuff is bothering you, but I didn't want you to come home to a complete surprise. You'd probably blow a gasket if I just flipped the house without you knowing. So there is your prior warning and you can't do anything about it for another 64 days. Ha Ha. _

_Love, _

_Sansa_

_Sandor,_

_Good news! Dad and Robb got Tywin to settle his dispute with Doran out of the court. I honestly don't know if you even care, which I don't think you do, but it's news and before you left, you did tell me to send you news._

_I got in a car accident. The other car ran the red light and hit me, but I'm alright. I had to wear a neck brace though, so enjoy the picture I sent. I look like such a dork. I hit my forehead on the window, so that's what that bruise is from and the airbags knocked the wind out of me. I have a couple scrapes and other bruises but other than that, I'm fine. The guy was nice and gave me his insurance and stuff so we're just trying to settle it. The next day though. Man, was I sore!_

_I got a fence for my garden, and Lady literally just knocked it down, so I sprayed Doggie-B-Gone on it. It seems to be working for now, but we'll see. I can see little plants already starting to sprout but since I forgot to mark what went where, it's just going to be a surprise. _

_The house looks great. Arya helped me paint everything, so I got done earlier than I was going to, but hey, help is help. Now I need another big project to do. I started planting flowers in the front and picked out some nice rosebushes. Some of them are actually winter roses, so there will be flowers year round!_

_The humming birds are coming back, so our feeders are back up on the back porch. In the evenings, I like to grab a book and go out to read, because it's super peaceful. Lady lays by my feet and we watch the sun set over the hills behind the house. I kind of want to get horses. What do you think? When you get back, we can pick some out together. _

_I can't wait for you to be able to write me back. You were right by the way. Big projects like the house are definitely helping pass the time. More than a month has passed since you last wrote me, so I hope you're safe. Please return home soon. I'll be praying._

_54 more days (ahhhh that's so soon!),_

_Sansa_

Sansa,

Coming back to those letters was actually pretty nice. I sat around and read them and we all questioned your choices in what you painted the house. (Peach, really? NO.) A garden would do you good though. I can't wait to eat garden fresh vegetables, plus we can grill them up. Yum.

A car accident? I told you to be careful! But I'm glad you're okay. Just take the pain meds they give you and I hope you took a couple days off of work, or else I'll have words with Cersei when I get back. And you need to grow a back bone and tell her your job isn't to wash her car. You're right. You're an assistant. Not a slave. And flowers on your neck brace? How cute.

Ugh. Gendry is still here, but he's all better now, so next time we head out (hopefully our last time) he'll be coming with us. He was so happy. He's been showing me all the letters Arya has sent him all day. What a pest. I can't believe he's coming to live with us. Hopefully, Arya finds him as irritating as I do, so he won't be there for long.

Connor died on the march Sansa. A sniper got him as we marched and then these men came from no where and attacked us. It was chaos. Whiskey went ape shit and took some guy out before they got him too. I'm surprised I'm as sad as I was when we found Whiskey's body. Who knew a fucking reptile would have grown on me like that? He got too big though, so we left him in the jungle when the helicopters came for Connor's body, but we at least dug the thing a grave. Connor would have liked that.

This troop is my family now, Sansa. It hurt when Connor died, but it's something we've had to get used to. People go into the jungle and never come back. We were all just surprised that the crocodile Dundee animal god was one of the people who did die. Out of everyone, Connor was one of the few that we thought would definitely live. Shows that you don't know who lives and who dies.

I'm exhausted. I feel like I could sleep for weeks, but we can't afford that. We have things to do. There is so much that I would give for one night of good rest and maybe a drink before bed that it frightens me, because to be honest I'd kill for some proper sleep. I've done it before, why not do it again? Is this the man I've become, Sansa? I hope I'm not turning into one of the monsters that you hear about when people talk about the war. The ones who love the kill and just live for it. I don't love it, but what if I start to? What if I become like Gregor? This scares me.

-Sandor

_Sandor, SHUT UP._

_You will never be like Gregor, okay? I don't even want you thinking anything like that. Gregor was a monster who liked nothing more than causing people pain and when the cops took him out, that was a good day for everyone. You are not him, nor will you ever be like him. It sucks that you have to be over there killing people, but Sandor, you don't like it. I know you and I know that you put up this tough guy front but you hate hurting people. You pretend that you don't care but you do. You're just sleep deprived and when you get back, all those bad feelings will go away. You'll see. _

_I'm so sorry to hear about Connor. He sounded like such a good guy. I'm glad that you're making friends you, knowing how abrasive you can be. I would hate for you to be lonely, even though you'd pretend it didn't bother you, I know you better. Hey! Maybe you should pick up a crocodile for yourself! Call him Red, after your favorite type of wine. Or a dog. I think Lady would like that much better. _

_I'm so happy that you're back where I can write you again. I got so worried when it grew longer than a month, Sandor. I though something had for sure happened to you, but Arya said if it did, someone would have told me you were MIA or hurt. Or even dead. I don't know if she was lying to make me feel better but it worked. Everyday of no news meant that you were at least alive somewhere. But man, I could not have people over. All that knocking stressed me out so badly. I only have about six more weeks of this stress, so that's good. (47 days exactly!)_

_I hope you're keeping the letters, because even though I've started making photocopies of my own letters, I don't have copies of the first few. And it's more meaningful if they're the originals, but hey. You're in battle. Do what you can. I started decorating the binder with your old tags from basic and all your documents, including the picture of you signing on. My Sandor, fighting for my freedom one day at a time. I'm such a lucky girl. _

_Gendry's room is all ready for him, and our room is all ready for you, so come back in one piece, you hear me? When you're both here, I get to make more Pinterest recipes. I've learned a bunch of new ones that I haven't even tried yet, and even though I have Arya as a guinea pig, she has different taste buds than you. _

_I love you so much,_

_Sansa_

Little bird,

I have really bad news. You know how I'm supposed to be out of here by the end of the month? Well, it got delayed. I have another six weeks in this Godforsaken jungle, in addition to the month that I already had left. Another six weeks of marching, mosquitoes and dumb shit. But hey, we've survived five months. What's another month?

Of course I have all the letters. It gives me something to do at night, when all the others are masturbating or paying prostitutes to do it for them. Even Gendry is guilty, but I don't think you should tell Arya that. He's a kid. He's got needs. I'm fine though. I just want to go home to you.

Jorah got a letter from his wife saying she was leaving him. While he was over here fighting, she was back home screwing one of her co-workers, that bitch. People like her remind me too much of Cersei, and everyone knows we don't get along. I was furious. Why would anyone do that to another person? Especially since he's here because of you. Whatever, though. That's how life works, I guess. Who am I to question her motives?

Since I'm back at the base, we can at least call each other again, but I leave for the jungle again in ten days. Gendry isn't too please. He got used to just doing his chores here, which are infinitely easier than anything we have to do in the jungle. I don't blame him. I don't want to go back.

I'm sorry this letter is so short, but I'm super tired and I don't have much to say. I guess I could have waited until I felt like saying something, but you've waited long enough for a reply from me. I love you, Sansa. 63 more days.

-Sandor

_Sandor,_

_It's okay if you don't want to write much. A short letter is better than no letter. I'm so sorry you have to stay there longer than you actually were supposed to. It made me so mad that I went to my father, but he said there's nothing we can do about it except wait for you to come home, which annoys me because what exactly does he think I've been doing?_

_I finished that quilt and it's on the living room couch for now. Lady seems to really like it, so I'm working on making one for her. Arya wants one as well, so I might just start charging for them and putting them on Etsy, just for a little extra cash, you know? It's something for me to do, since now my daily count is all messed up. Judging from your date that you sent the letter though, I think we're at 56. Not so sure, but we'll say 56 so I at least have something to do. _

_I wrote your comeback date on the calendar and if you're not too tired, I want to have a barbeque or something? (I just counted on the calendar. It's actually 55 days.) That would be nice, but if you don't want to, then we don't have to. It would give Gendry a good way to meet the family and stuff, since he's on of us now. Did he get that care package that Arya sent yet, do you know? Mom helped her put it together and there's a bunch of pictures of her doing weird stuff like fencing. _

_Bran and Meera are still going strong and apparently, as much as it disgusts me to write this, Bran lost his virginity. He told Arya, who told me. We haven't told Mom, because we're good siblings, but everyone else knows. Remember when I totally would have told Mom? That wasn't so long ago, too. You've really changed me. _

_When you get back, we get to help plan Yggritte's baby shower because guess what? They're having a Lyanna! I'm so excited for them because apparently, they've been trying for a while. We're next, she says, but I don't think I want kids anytime soon. I'm still young, I have time. And you don't even like kids, so I don't see how that's going to work out. Stay safe in the jungle, Sandor. If I'm having kids, I really would prefer if they were yours. _

_I love you,_

_Sansa_

Sansa,

Give Bran a high five for me, because I know that he was worried that no one would want to sleep with him. (We talked about this once when he was over. Why do people pour their hearts out to me? I don't care.) I think I like this Meera chick. She sounds like just the kind of person that Bran needed. Is she cute? Ah, I guess I'll see soon enough.

Tell Yggritte and Jon congrats on the girl. I know she's going to be one of the most spoiled babies in the history of mankind, because of you and Arya, especially since it's not like Catelyn is going to do any of the spoiling. Sorry to say it, sweetheart, but it's true. Even I know your mom hates Jon more than me, and that's saying something, since I deflowered her baby girl.

Kids are gross. I like when they're other people's kids because when they start crying, I can give them back, but if they're ours, we're stuck with them. Still, one day, maybe I'll get over my aversion to kids. Maybe we could beat Jon and Yggritte to a Torrhen, even. That'll show them.

If you like quilting, then quilt to your hearts content. I know Cersei doesn't pay you anywhere near what you deserve, so any little pocket money can't hurt, especially if you're getting paid for something that you like to do. I still have your socks and even though they were weirdly shaped, they were sturdy. No holes yet, and I march almost everyday.

Of course a barbeque sounds nice. I think seeing everyone would be good for Gendry because he gets to meet Catelyn and when she's judging someone that's not me, it's a nice change.

I just realized that if Gendry is going to be living with us, I'm going to assume that Arya will be over a lot. Which doesn't bode well for my DVR and for my movie collection. We have to get a cabinet with a lock on it. Stat.

I leave for the jungle again tomorrow, so I will be out of contact for another two weeks. This is almost over. I'll see you in a month, Sansa, and when I do, I'm not leaving. Even if you want me to. I hate being separated for this long anyway. What if some handsome kid comes and takes my place? Who is going to be there to tell you that he's probably on the sex offenders list?

-Sandor

_Dear Sandor, _

_Back in the jungle, huh? Gross. Arya took me with her camping last weekend and I could barely handle that. Too many bugs. I prefer to enjoy my nature from inside, thank you very much. I can't begin to imagine camping in the jungle. Arya says she wants to do it someday, but I don't know. From what you've told me, I like it better when I can put a blanket on the TV, put in a nature documentary, and pretend I'm camping in the jungle. That's what Arya and I used to do when we were little. _

_Meera is adorable. She came over the other day, her and Bran, and I showed her your letters and the quilt and stuff and she ooed and ahhhed, just like she's supposed to. She told me that you were lucky you had me, but she doesn't know it's the other way around. She helped me cook dinner so when everyone came over, we'd already bonded and became friends. You'd like her, Sandor. She laughed at all of Theon's dirty jokes and she swears and stuff. She's a lot like Yggritte actually. _

_Speaking of Yggritte, they're getting married. Jon and Yggritte, that is. She wants to have the wedding when you get back, after the Lyanna is born, but they already got the certificate. Yggritte Snow. How cute. Even Mom seems please. I know she doesn't care for Jon, but she likes Yggritte, probably because she reminds Mom of a grown up version of Arya. They've both got that same fire to them._

_I told Arya that you wanted to put a lock on the movies and she laughed, saying that if you did, she would just pick the lock. She's so determined to get what she wants, that no lock will stand in her way. Even if what she wants is to put the movies in the wrong order. I still remember the first time she did that, when she watched Full Metal Jacket and put it next to Lord of the Rings and you freaked out because they weren't in alphabetical order anymore. Good times. _

_Only 41 more days,_

_Sansa_

Sansa,

I'm back from the jungle again, but we have one more march in the jungle, then I get to come home to you. I don't think you understand how badly I just want to get out of here. It's disgusting and I hate everyone and it's saying something that I'd rather deal with your mother than Jorah right now.

It's literally only three more weeks until I get home to you and that is the only thing keeping me going. Out of the original troop, only me, Jorah, Gendry, and Pyp are left. I'm not even bothering to learn the names of the kids that are sent to take the dead people's places. They cycle out too quickly for me to keep up. What sort of person have I become?

Gendry is stoked, though. He's counting down the days until he gets to meet Arya and he won't stop pestering me about her. What type of music does she like? What type of food? Her favorite animal? I don't see why he keeps asking me about her when in fact he should just be writing her.

It's weird to think how normal our lives are going to be when I get back. I won't have to keep all my guns constantly cleaned and at the ready and I won't be fearing an attack. You'll be there with me and we'll have Gendry living with us and he can complain to you about how he doesn't like broccoli and I don't know. It sounds so domestic. I want it so badly.

I'm getting ready for the final jungle march because I am almost done with my time here, Sansa. I know I keep saying it, but I'm just so excited. It'll be nice to see you again. It'll be nice to be subjected to Pinterest recipes, instead of gunfire, to argue with your sister instead of being bossed around by Jorah.

I'm counting down, Sansa, until I finally see you again. 32 more days.

Sandor


	2. Chapter 2

_Sandor, my love,_

_It's been about three months since that very nice man knocked on my front door and told me the news. Three months since Gendry moved in. Three months since your funeral. _

_Remember how when you left I would complain about how the neighbors wouldn't leave me alone? It's worse now. Without asking, I get my lawn mowed, the hedges trimmed, my flowers watered and all that. Dinner gets brought over to me still, and it's been three fucking months. Sorry for swearing, but I'm very frustrated. Where were these people when we first moved in and didn't have help unloading our truck? They're fakes and they're only doing this to make them feel better._

_Your funeral was small, the way you wanted. We buried you in the morning and by the time I came back that night, there were flowers all over your grave. Looks like the Lannisters liked you a little more than you thought. They're beautiful flowers, too, but I had to laugh. You hate flowers. You always have. _

_Lady cried when she saw me crying. It's like she knows, Sandor. She knows you're not coming back. She used to snap at Gendry, because I think she thinks that I'm replacing you with him, but she doesn't do it so much anymore. Just when Gendry tries to mess with your DVDs. _

_Arya doesn't do that much anymore. When you were first deployed, she came over every day and messed with them. She's still over most days, but I don't think she likes my moping. I never did end up painting our master bedroom. And I gave our quilt away. I just don't need that much stuff, since it's just me. _

_My Mother was a lot sadder than I expected. She said you were good for me and we got in a huge fight, because why weren't you good for me when you were alive? God I miss you so much it's not fair. Why didn't someone else die? Why was it you? You didn't deserve it and I had such hopes for our future._

_Sandor, I had our entire wedding planned. I did it while you were gone. I know you never proposed, but when I checked the e-mail, I got the one about the ring. It hurt so much to call and cancel them. At least we got all the money back. I used to want to convert what is now Gendry's room into a nursery, so that was all planned out. Sandor, I named our kids. And now, I'll never meet them._

_In one of your earlier letters, you said that you took away a kids hopes and dreams and I'm glad you're not here to see how much your death is affecting me. I miss you so much it hurts, but I don't get to countdown until I see you again. That's not fair. Nothing about life is fair and you told me that and I didn't listen and now I know. Sandor, now I know. _

_Please, wherever you are, please be happy. Because it's my turn to come to you. Don't worry, I'll come on my own time, just because I can't imagine the speech that I would get if we reunited early. I'll see you again. I promise. _

_I love you,_

_Sansa_


End file.
